Writing: ‘A Feeling That Felt Like Freedom’ by Fatima Gonzalez

The moonlight looked beautiful that night. It was only 9:35 pm and I had been with my cousins. Through that night I had a gut feeling that something would go completely wrong. Around 10:07 pm my cousin got a call from her mom. “I want you guys to come back home now,” she said over the phone. Something was off in my aunt's tone. It’s like she was worried or nervous about something. “We have to leave now ASAP,” my cousin said. We had started to run up the hill to arrive at my aunt's home. I was the first to arrive and ask my aunt what was wrong. My aunt burst into tears.

“He’s dead mija,” she had muttered through her tears. I ran off to sit down and I couldn't help but cry. I was all alone...cold and alone.

“Hey, are you going to join the SRLA team?” I heard my friend say. I was sitting on the bench in the hallways. Other people were passing by me and my friend. It was chilly that morning. “I’m honestly not sure, but I want to join,” I replied. I walked away leaving my friend behind. Since my brother's passing happened, I hadn’t really felt much joy. Instead, what I felt was sorrow, like I was empty inside, but at the same time I was full of guilt because I wasn't there for him in his darkest times. While he was sick, I wish I would’ve called him.

I decided to join the team, and after making it through the first few practices, today was the first two mile run since I’d made the team. We had been standing in front of the school gates. While we were stretching it was awfully quiet. I thought to myself: What if I fall? Am I too slow? So many questions were in my head. Only five more minutes before we start to run. My emotions can’t be explained. I'm calm, yet nervous at the same time. I have this adrenaline feeling that is surrounding my body. I feel a bit happy, yet I also feel upset because my brother’s death had been one of the things I had been thinking about. Only two more minutes left now. I start to feel nervous all over again. It’s time to start running.

Everyone is still stretching a bit before we start running. We were waiting in front of the gates. Suddenly Mr. Lo finally comes outside to join us. Everyone is starting to run. The gates are getting farther and farther away as I keep running. I can hear Mr. Lo telling us the
directions for where to turn as we are running. Mr. Finer is running in front of all of us. When we were near the turnaround point there was wind blowing in my hair. It felt so nice. I only had to run a bit faster to make it to the turnaround.

And then, I had this strange feeling. A feeling that felt like freedom. All of a sudden I felt so calm. I was so close to finishing the first mile. I was excited. The breeze felt so nice it just changed my whole mood.

“One more mile that's all,” I told myself. I had not felt like this in a long time. The way everything went silent and I heard nothing except birds chirping. I know what it is! I KNOW WHAT THIS FEELING IS!! IT’S JOY IT’S ACTUALLY JOY!

It just all felt amazing. I felt a rush. It was so hard to describe, but so easy to
understand as soon as I felt it. The noise my feet made as soon as they ran across the concrete. I kept running faster and faster, smiling. I was almost done, yet I wanted this moment to last forever. I tried slowing down to make this moment last, but I couldn't, my body just wouldn't let me. The feeling just kept pushing me forward.

I finished and the moment ended.

“Hey, you look way happier,” my friend said. “What happened?” they added. I smiled towards them.

“I’m not sure, but all I actually know is that I feel happy... or joyful.”

I was happy for the rest of the practice. The moment kept circling in my brain over and over again. It felt like there was some sort of piece missing and I wasn’t sure what it was. I couldn't help but wonder what triggered this feeling to pop up out of nowhere. I kept thinking and thinking. I finally understand what triggered it or what it meant to me. I was running and I was with people I care about. I will never forget this moment.

It’s only been a few weeks since that day. For the past few weeks all I’ve actually felt was joy. Running really helped deal with my brother's passing because it helped me get out of my sadness. I realized that my brother's passing had caused me to isolate myself from everyone else, but when I started running it helped me get closer to my friends and my family. Also, while I was running I felt this feeling of freedom of being able to escape from everything. Running brought me joy during one of my toughest times.